I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
