She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Randomize
