If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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