At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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