Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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