how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
