If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
