I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
