got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
