evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
