The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Randomize
