sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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