grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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