The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
Randomize
