my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
