I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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