You just made me feel so damn special
Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
