im about as happy as oj after his trial
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
