Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
