ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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