Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I just want nice things and good sex
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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