Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
