some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
