Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
