I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
