I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
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