I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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