Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I don't know what your problem is but seriously you're a cunt for throwing up that song on your page. It's rude as fuck
omg its myspace i didnt think anyone took that seriously anymore
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
