life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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