My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
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