Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
