Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
how do flat chested girls get laid?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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