You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
