my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
