He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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