Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
