Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize
