ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
You may now shotgun with the bride
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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