found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
