Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
