My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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