end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
Randomize
