Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Randomize
