He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
