So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
