did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
