I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
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