I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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