I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
I didn't notice because vodka
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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