I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
