he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
