a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Randomize
