Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
