Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
