She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
