meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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