Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
Randomize
