I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
She told me I should be a condom model.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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