I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just gift wrapped bread.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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