South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Be still, my beating vagina.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
Randomize
