need another drink. this is the easiest way
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
