forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
